Comments on: Why I Can’t Give Abozu My Camera

By: Why I Can Buy Maimouna a Sprite « Kiva Stories from the Field

Why I Can Buy Maimouna a Sprite « Kiva Stories from the Field — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 12:26:02 +0000

[...] I can’t give Abozu my camera. But sometimes you just want to buy a little girl a soda. So I handed Maimouna the Sprite and told [...]

By: jeanne

jeanne — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 16:22:40 +0000

re ‘camera’

Abozu is a bit like a 4-year old, in the sense that he has absolutely nothing to lose by continuing to ask – & you (as well as every other westerner) are extremely wealthy, comparatively speaking. remember that even very poor people in the US have a tv, a refrigerator, a car, free schooling for the their kids, & some form of medical care. a tip when you leave, & sometimes a small token during the time you are with the family are appropriate. you may be able to help in Togo, but most of the things you do will fail. if it were easy, it would already be done – but the point is that you have to try. i’ve been to Tanzania twice, & i plan to go back to Africa.

don’t give up, & don’t feel guilty. just recognize your responibility & do your best to change things.

-jeanne

By: Maren

Maren — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 16:32:08 +0000

Abby,

I finally had some time to sit down and read some of your blog. Amazing! You amaze me; what can I say?

I hope all continues to be well with you. I will continue to read your blog postings, but I wanted to respond to one of your rhetorical questions in this blog entry.

Your decision to leave your life in New York and your good job with colleagues who adore you is not an act of charity. It is an act of self-sacrifice and investment in the future of economically disadvantaged people. You have chosen to act as a conduit to encourage change and positive growth. The people you seek to help are not benefiting from your sacrifice, which, as you point out, would not leave them in a better place. Rather, because you are using your life in this way, they will benefit ten-fold. You are investing in them.

So rest easy and know that you are doing something truly awesome (and I mean that in the most Biblical sense, not the common way we use the word now)!

Take care of yourself!

Warmest regards to you,
Maren

By: Premal Shah

Premal Shah — Fri, 26 Dec 2008 20:14:53 +0000

Abby – I love this post…thanks for relaying this experience to the rest of us — and I love the way you end the article. Got me thinking even more…

By: How Your Loan Affects an MFI: Behind the Scenes of Microfinance « Kiva Stories from the Field

Wed, 03 Dec 2008 09:25:31 +0000

[...] freezer). But it was a wild animal, and it was gross. I ran and got Abozu (see my previous post – Why I Can’t Give Abozu My Camera) to ask him what it was. “Un renard.” He said. I ran to my French-English dictionary (I was [...]

By: Kanae

Kanae — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 08:33:50 +0000

Hi, Abby. I’m so touched by your post. I Sypmathize with your words as I have similar experience as well. Thanks for sharing your experience. I’m looking forward to reading your next post.

By: sidetrips

sidetrips — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 05:53:49 +0000

When abroad, I try to keep in mind that, in most parts of the world (outside of North America), the exchange of small gifts or token favors follows a basic pattern, a set of expectations. So does the way of advancing a conversation or a possible friendship. It isn’t ritual bribery or fake politeness; it’s tradition. The communication and relationship-building is smooth, and all goes well, as long as both parties understand what comes next, if only subconsciously.
Though when two vastly different cultures come together in conversation or in collaboration, there is bound to be confusion and disappointment, to say nothing of simple misunderstandings from just the language gap. Both parties act according to their own norms, but feelings can be hurt anyway. Neither party should be blamed.
An old observation comes to mind… Americans will invite people they barely know into their homes or apartments for a visit with hardly a second thought. It is a mild gesture of generosity and openness and fortunately pretty common. Not so in some cultures, in which the home is only for the family; you instead are invited to a cafe or restaurant, where guests are entertained. So, Americans who are invited into a home in a far away land may fail to appreciate fully what has just happened. Some sort of reciprocity is expected — not equivalent in magnitude (that could be insulting), but something having meaning to the host as well as yourself, such as a packet of cookies or a chicken (still flapping its wings of course), or such as a few gestures, like teaching a game to the the kids (who gather around shouting Yovo! if you are in Togo) or learning a few phrases in their maternal language. In turn, they will serve you some of those cookies along with a special beverage of their own. Or they will make a chicken dinner at which neighbors, who are due a return favor, are invited and who bring *you* a little something as a gesture….
It’s the back-and-forth over time, the recurring exchanges, that is the main thing between people who are connected and interconnected. Though it may seem so, materialism is not at all the focus (hardest of all for many Americans to understand because of our habit of ownership). Of course recurring exchanges can spiral out of control in long relationships, yet this exchange aspect of many cultures is the norm.
So yes, in some situations, it may be quite right to give the camera away — but in the context of two people in which there are periodic exchanges. But not if you really need the camera. On the one had, you won’t be expected to exchange anything requested in all situations, but on the other hand, you may be asked bluntly for something only as a catalyst, a starting point, especially if a lack of awareness in tradition is perceived. Notice how the first ‘offer’ or suggestion is soon forgotten.
Anyway, all this has very little to do with charity, nor “pay it forward”, nor “teach a man to fish…” Rather, I see it as another social norm for connecting to people. Of course, that doesn’t mean it’s easy for all parties involved! I motivate myself by thinking: Doing as the Romans do just for awhile can lead to real learning by doing.

By: abbygray

abbygray — Sun, 16 Nov 2008 12:15:11 +0000

wow ~ I cant even tell you guys how much it means to get so much sincere support in response to this post. i was feeling pretty crappy after the whole incident (i couldnt really eat the whole next day…though that might have had more to do with an encounter with some fermented cornmeal (they make it fermented on purpose…dont ask me why)). but after receiving all these wonderful responses, i have realized that i truly do have a forum where i can express these frustrations and, most importantly, that im not alone in struggling through these difficult issues. even though i dont know most of the people who wrote comments, the fact that we can connect so deeply over this common ongoing struggle is inspiring. thank you all so much for your encouragement.

By: spaceygrl

spaceygrl — Sun, 16 Nov 2008 10:44:42 +0000

I have had this post up on my computer screen for over a day now trying to think of something inspirational to write. At a loss, I just want to say that this was an excellent expression of the issues of which people from the developed country should be aware. En francais – courage!

By: Tanya

Tanya — Sun, 16 Nov 2008 03:43:33 +0000

Dear Abby,

I am so touched by the eloquence with which you convey your eternal and profoundly sincere struggle to understand what true compassion is. I am greatful for your sharing.

Be well,
Tanya

By: Aamir

Aamir — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 00:53:43 +0000

Abby,

It was refreshing to read this frank outpouring of the conflicting feelings you were dealing with in the situation you found yourself in. Obviously, there is no one or simple answer to the questions you (and I’m sure many others) raise about the charity versus ‘helping’ conundrum. It’s difficult to address intellectually and near impossible to deal with when face to face with it! In a simplistic analogy, I find myself thinking the same thing when stopped at a traffic light in India and having the dilemma of whether to offer some spare change to the beggars who are invariably present. I feel very uncomfortable simply forking over money, so I try and remember to keep some candy or crackers (sweets and biscuits in Indian lingo) and offer those. Often this is met with contempt and mockery by the beggars themselves, which is fine by me and not unexpected, but when a child beggar gratefully accepts the edible items and hungrily devours it, it feels like it was a worthwhile contribution in some small way.

And about your Togolese caretaker, it seems like he has the right attitude generally, in that he did think about the fact that if you gave him your camera, he could make money off it -and- repay you. I think that would be an excellent way to help him out without it being charity per se. Basically, you become a sort of micro-finance agent yourself even though you don’t have the infrastructure to be one all by yourself. The only thing you would need is trust that he would abide by his word and indeed use the camera as intended (make money by selling pictures), and pay back the original cost of the camera, I assume depreciated to account for it being a used camera.

In any case, as you said, you have taken actual steps and put yourself out there and helping in person, so no matter what, whatever you are doing is very commendable. Keep it up!

Take care,
- Aamir

By: Annalise

Annalise — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 20:17:15 +0000

Abby, Thanks so much for sharing your experience. Your courage and strength is VERY inspiring to someone like me that struggles for find her own to do more to help and make a difference. Best of luck with the remainder of your post.

By: kaliegold

kaliegold — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 18:43:44 +0000

you really said it well…

this is the point that has always struck, confounded, and confused me everywhere I have worked…and no, I don’t have an answer either…

By: Sarah Forbes

Sarah Forbes — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 08:33:59 +0000

Thanks for sharing this with all of us Abby. I think that as Fellows (and as any individual interested in microfinance) we struggle with this issue often. A complicated, difficult conversation, indeed. In any language. I’m glad you arrived safely, and I hope that you are settling in!

By: Rob

Rob — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 08:30:52 +0000

great post Abby. in the long run, the results of your efforts there will be much more valuable than any amount of dollars… keep up the good work.

By: Tatiana

Tatiana — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 05:12:13 +0000

I think it’s amazing writing too. I feel like honestly I should be doing charity and microfinance both. I do a little of each but really not nearly enough. Do I give of my substance? No, I really don’t. Do the poor have that claim on me? Yes, I feel they do. They’re my brothers and sisters, and I have much more than I need. They have so little. But the “what are you going to give me” attitude doesn’t feel right either, does it? It’s complicated. I feel ya.

By: lburr

lburr — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 02:18:01 +0000

I really liked your candid account. Best of luck with your work.

By: Matt

Matt — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 19:39:53 +0000

Hey. This is an amazing piece of writing that takes me back to so many conversations I’ve had throughout my life. I’ve been trying to pursue something in between capitalism and charity as a way to reconcile the pain associated with just settling on either side. From afar, it’s just too easy to take an ideological stance on issues around poverty. Up close, all those stances seem to break down and you are left feeling pretty lost for words sometimes. Hope you are doing well otherwise Abby and thanks for what you are doing.

By: Jan & John

Jan & John — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 16:35:36 +0000

Thanks Abby, we cry with you. I applaud him for being persistent. He sounds like a hard worker who is definitely looking for a way to survive in his difficult world. And good for you for trying to explain why charity not helpful in the long term. The main reason I am so addicted to Kiva is because, even here at home, we give and give but nothing ever seems to change. Other than conditioning people to sit and wait for the next gift. And then where do they turn when it doesn’t arrive? Bless you and be well within yourself. jan