Dignity and Exhaustion
13 October 2009 at 21:41 kellykmckinnon 19 comments
by Kelly McKinnon, KF9, Leon, Nicaragua
My attraction to Kiva and to their model of how microfinance fits into development, I’ve realized, has very much to do with their insistence upon the dignity of the individual. Throughout the Kiva Fellows training, through conversations and actions this concept was repeated, emphasized and modeled. I’m wishing I had the presence of mind to recognize that this exact insistence is what drew me here in the first place, wishing I recognized long ago this is what I felt during my summer in Honduras, wishing I had the eloquence to express this when I interviewed for this fellowship or for the dozens of forms I find myself filling out.
But my goodness! How guarding the dignity of another person is a delicate thing!
I visited my first client. An older woman in a nightgown opens the door to us; my exuberant colleague recognizes our intrusion and apologizes for the disturbance. We sit in the sala to explain what a journal update is, how Kiva is an odd funding entity that wants to know her dreams. She rocks back and forth, comfortable in her own home, but not in light of our probing questions. She is tired. I cannot pick her out of a family picture resting on the coffee table. The cast on her left wrist rests on a pillow in her lap. She is thin and her movements are those of someone who is more than just tired.
I am struck not by sadness, but by her honesty, her resolution. I sit in front of her embarrassed to be here as a business woman. She does not look to me for pity. As a business woman, she answers my questions. I am more grateful for Kiva’s oddity, for its requirement that the practice of business recognize this dignity.
We ask a woman with cancer what are her dreams. She is 66 and says with equal pragmatism that she has no dreams and that her loan payments are never late.
Entry filed under: All, Americas, blogsherpa, Fundacíon LEON 2000, KF9 (Kiva Fellows 9th Class), Nicaragua. Tags: .
1. What Do Kiva Lenders Expect to Hear from Kiva Borrowers? - Anecdoted | 9 January 2010 at 16:50
[...] Near the beginning of my fellowship, I remember holding off on posting these “hard” journal updates until after I’ve finished the “easy” ones – where the borrowers’ stories still matched their profiles on Kiva, where borrowers used the loans on their business, where borrowers said that receiving this loan was really helpful to their businesses and family. But as time went on, I came to accept that the difficult stories reflect hardships and choices that Kiva borrowers face on a daily basis. Life is not easy. Neither are these stories. But that is the challenge for Kiva Fellows, to paint the complex human landscape behind microfinance and shine light on these issues with honesty and respect. [...]
2. What do Kiva lenders expect to hear? « In a World Without Strangers | 10 December 2009 at 03:42
[...] Near the beginning of my fellowship, I remember holding off on posting these “hard” journal updates until after I’ve finished the “easy” ones – where the borrowers’ stories still matched their profiles on Kiva, where borrowers used the loans on their business, where borrowers said that receiving this loan was really helpful to their businesses and family. But as time went on, I came to accept that the difficult stories reflect hardships and choices that Kiva borrowers face on a daily basis. Life is not easy. Neither are these stories. But that is the challenge for Kiva Fellows, to paint the complex human landscape behind microfinance and shine light on these issues with honesty and respect. [...]
3. What Do Kiva Lenders Expect to Hear from Kiva Borrowers? « Kiva Stories from the Field | 5 December 2009 at 20:23
[...] Near the beginning of my fellowship, I remember holding off on posting these “hard” journal updates until after I’ve finished the “easy” ones – where the borrowers’ stories still matched their profiles on Kiva, where borrowers used the loans on their business, where borrowers said that receiving this loan was really helpful to their businesses and family. But as time went on, I came to accept that the difficult stories reflect hardships and choices that Kiva borrowers face on a daily basis. Life is not easy. Neither are these stories. But that is the challenge for Kiva Fellows, to paint the complex human landscape behind microfinance and shine light on these issues with honesty and respect. [...]
4. Fundraising Sprout « Kelly McKinnon's Blog | 28 October 2009 at 19:38
[...] already published my first post to the Kiva Fellows blog “Dignity and Exhaustion” about my impressions after the very first client [...]
5. Avani | 19 October 2009 at 14:26
Kelly. This will keep me up tonight. You have an amazing gift of telling stories, can’t wait for your other posts.
6. marydear | 19 October 2009 at 02:45
ouch – that just hit a spot I wasn’t expecting – thank you for sharing this true tale of a human experience.
7. karlbaumgarten | 16 October 2009 at 11:39
wow you just gave me the chills, such a well written post
8. Ben Jimenez | 16 October 2009 at 11:08
You have a gift Kelly, and your desire and ability to share with others is impressive and inspiring.
9. rebeccacorey | 16 October 2009 at 01:09
Beautiful and sad in its honesty. The dignity of Kiva borrowers has been incredible to witness.
10. Brian Kelly | 15 October 2009 at 01:30
awesome post, kelly. and unbelievably written…
11. Brian Kelly | 15 October 2009 at 01:28
awesome post, kelly. and unbelievably written….
12. Gemma | 14 October 2009 at 20:11
Hi Kelly, this is a really good post! I look forward to reading more of them,
13. Jan & John, KivaFriends | 14 October 2009 at 14:03
Thanks Kelly. Every individual has their story, sometimes hiding behind a stiff upper lip. I am glad you saw and recognized this borrower’s need and connected in an appropriate way. Thank you for sharing. We all need reminders like this from time to time. jan
14. nickigoh, KF9, Senegal | 14 October 2009 at 11:40
what a great post, Kelly. Thanks so much for sharing.
15. Julie | 14 October 2009 at 07:31
I like this post a lot.
16. Marguerite Jimenez | 14 October 2009 at 05:20
Humanity, bravery, humility, and eloquence. Exceptional qualities whose parts cannot even begin to speak to the infinitely more exceptional sum: you.
Ultraviolet Catastrophe – I could not love you more!
17. Christopher Teed | 14 October 2009 at 04:52
I’ve never been more proud of you in my life.
18. Howard Zugman | 14 October 2009 at 03:12
Hi Kelly,
Thanx for hilighting this very important aspect of Kiva’s good works. The ability to respect other’s cultures and situations is very important in the work that you do for Kiva and by extension its lenders. You are clearly suited for the work you are doing.
19. Eva, KF9 | 14 October 2009 at 00:23
Beautifully written. Thanks so much for sharing this Kelly!