Kiva Fellowship Sparks Self Awareness
25 February 2010 at 01:45 marydear 22 comments
Looking at my feet reminds me to, "Be Here Now" (Ram DaSs 1971)
As a Kiva Fellow, working in the field, life is often very exciting. There’s a funny thing about excitement though, sometimes it’s fueled by sheer joy and sometimes by total fear (otherwise known as anxiety!) It doesn’t seem to matter though what direction the catalyst is coming from, when I get excited I get, “all sorts of crazy” in my brain, thoughts fly left and right from one thing to another quickly and randomly. From one minute to the next I’m thinking about “minimum wage laws in Cambodia, how wonderful the frangipanis are here, my taxes, where I’ll be this time next year, genocide, mosquitoes – I wonder if the doxycycline really works, I wonder where I put that camera cord?” It’s like a losing game of Tetris sometimes, the music starts to go faster and faster and the pieces are just barely sliding into place as I try to stay present on what I am actually doing. Essentially my brain moves faster than my body and the result …well…here’s what happens…
– I fall down (Went running in Bohol, Philippines, tripped and fell into a mixture of rocks/glass (luckily the staff at Bohol Bee Farm, a super cute livelihood accommodation/project on the island of Bohol, repaired my wounds).
– I forget important facts (missed my first flight to the Philippines as a KF9 because flight was 6am not 6pm).
– I spill things (like an entire mug of coffee on my PowerMac)
– I break things ($1325 dollars in electronic repairs and replacements to date – includes spilling coffee on Mac).
– I walk into men’s bathrooms (I did this twice at the Central Luzon Association of Microfinance Awards Ceremony and was spotted twice by the Executive Director of my MFI – we never talked about it. I also did this when I was an intern on an OTC (Over the Counter) trading floor full of men in NYC. – right, Uncle Mike?)
– I eat too fast (had to perform the Heimlich maneuver on myself during my first day in the field in Cambodia as a KF10 – while the credit officer at Maxima looked up from her bowl and asked, “What’s wrong with you?”)
In most of our posts to “Kiva Stories from the Field” we focus on “what it’s like” in the field learning about microfinance, poverty, culture, local economies, meeting with out borrowers etc. and how that impacts us. So I wanted to take a moment to mention a slightly different angle on “what it’s like” as I become more aware of myself (thanks to a more intense environment – provided by the fellowship – my little quirks seem to have taken performance enhancing drugs ), accepting myself lovingly as I am now (coffee spills and all) and taking small actions to try and be a more present “me” (no texting and walking especially in developing countries) as I move through a world where I often want to escape into mental business to avoid certain truths….and in the meantime I’ll just keep making people laugh with my little moments.
I’m also writing this post for any of my fellows who have had expensive learning experiences while in the field, as you can see you’re not alone!! (I was just talking to another fellow who didn’t realize she had to renew her passport after one month in country -even though it is a 3 month visa– the 3 month part only means you had the option to renew, so she was racking up $5 bucks a day!) So if any of your negative character traits, not so attractive habits or counter productive reactions to life are flaring up as you sit thousands of miles of way from home, your friends, your hairdresser – I mean hair stylist – and your language, I suggest trying to be kind with the self talk – you’re experiencing yourself amplified and that’s actually a part of the “program” in the Kiva Fellows Program.
Become a Kiva Fellow and learn more about microfinance, the effort to alleviate poverty, and yourself.
Entry filed under: All, Cambodia, KF10 (Kiva Fellows 10th Class), KF9 (Kiva Fellows 9th Class), MAXIMA Mikroheranhvatho Co., Ltd.. Tags: self awareness, self love.
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4. Sam | 1 July 2010 at 15:15
I am about to be KF 12 and I love this post. As I’ve been told many times, “find a job where your bad habits are helpful. ” Maybe thats what we all find out through KFing.
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7. Lisa | 1 March 2010 at 15:56
Doxycycline really works! Hope that helps ease your mind a little
8. Kathrin Jansen | 1 March 2010 at 07:48
Very self-reflecting and very funny to read! Thank you!
9. Taylor | 26 February 2010 at 00:58
I loved your post, Mary!
I’ve totally been there too. And it feels like all the quirks that your friends and family at home lovingly accept are suddenly on display. I’ve also discovered that all my quirks tend to be characterized as representing ALL Canadians, not just me. It’s hard to explain that no, in fact it is just me who happens to eat like a squirrel, not everyone in North America.
Good luck in Cambodia!
- Taylor
10. marydear | 28 February 2010 at 21:24
you are so right about being the representative for ALL people like you – it’s so funny.
11. Gemma | 25 February 2010 at 17:55
I started reading this post and was like: “wow, I need to read this, sounds like me!” Thank you for writing this, it’s really good and I like the following a lot, it’s very perceptive: “as I move through a world where I often want to escape into mental business to avoid certain truths…”
12. marydear | 28 February 2010 at 21:22
thanks Gemma – you were actually part of my inspiration for writing the blog!
13. marydear | 25 February 2010 at 17:15
Love it Leah! tI’m sure there is a good story that goes along with that… thanks for sharing
14. marydear | 25 February 2010 at 17:10
Hey Julie, thanks for commenting I love that – if your not you #1 Fan, then who is, right? – I’m keeping that one with me – totally glad you shared it.
15. evacwu | 25 February 2010 at 14:31
I love you Mary
16. marydear | 25 February 2010 at 17:07
The feeling is mutua Miss Eva!
17. Bryan Goldfinger | 25 February 2010 at 07:48
You made me laugh out loud Mary!
18. marydear | 25 February 2010 at 17:16
I’m glad I made you laugh – laughing rocks! – I was thinking of you in my last week in he Phillipines – I got to go surfing-it was so cool – I actually surfed a coral break – i’ve only done sand before – and i did not get hurt! that is a miracle.
19. Leigh Madeira | 25 February 2010 at 07:00
Great post! I have learned that I DON`T like roasted guinea pig…who would have thought?
20. david | 25 February 2010 at 06:05
I really, really, really enjoyed reading this post, Mary. Especially as a current fellow already racking up those unplanned for, accidental, brain-fart expenses.
21. marydear | 25 February 2010 at 17:13
Hey David, thanks for your commenting. I don;t know what it is about the power of identification that is so powerful! I was so glad to hear about everone else’s mishaps too….which I am “keeping wih me” and will drawto mind the next time I have another foible!
22. julie | 25 February 2010 at 05:33
Wow Mary… what a great post. I am so happy and grateful that you wrote this! The Kiva Fellowship is DEFINITELY a prime opportunity to learn how to cultivate self-kindness and mindfulness. I mean, if you’re not your own #1 Fan, then who is, right?? But anyway, thanks for sharing your little moments… I’ve definitely had my share as well